I don’t have an issue with what the author of the blog wrote or how she feels about herself. What she wrote is from her perspective and everyone handles emotions differently. I have another perspective entirely.
I too, have never been the skinny girl. I was always the cubby kid, the wallflower, and the one easily forgotten about unintentionally. My mother modeled locally when she was younger and I always knew this, just like I always knew I wasn’t one of the beautiful people on the outside like her. Now, in her late sixties my mother has become obsessed with dieting and her never ending quest to be thin. Somehow being thin and recapturing her lost youth (from my perspective mind you) is her focus these days. She won’t eat certain foods, will deny herself food because it might put an ounce of weight on her. Our oldest niece, almost eighteen now, is so skinny it wouldn’t take much of a breeze to blow her into the Gulf of Mexico.
I am, by far, the fattest person in my family and you know what? I’m perfectly fine with that. I could care less what societies perception and judgments are of me. I know who I am and I also know I am healthy and vibrant. I don’t sit around all day stuffing my face with food despite what an outsiders snap judgment might assume. I’m the dependable one. I’m there to clean up the messes, wipe the tears, cheer at successes, and sometimes the voice of blunt, painful reason from my perspective.
This is one of the favorite pictures my husband has of me. It is from our honeymoon. We were at the Hoover Dam. I admit, I hate pictures of myself. It doesn’t have anything to do with how I look however. I would much rather have pictures of friends and family to remember events. I would rather be the one documenting events than being the one documented.
I excel at things more sedentary than active. I was a bookworm as a child and that has carried over into adult life. I love to cross stitch and play video games. I am not the one who is going to be running marathons or scaling mountains. I’m the one puttering in the garden or experimenting with new dishes in the kitchen. I love walking, although I’ve walked significantly less since meeting my husband almost a decade ago, but even when I walk it is at my pace with an audio book playing on my headset.
I have never looked in a mirror and said to myself “You look beautiful today.” I never said that even on my wedding day . Honestly, I can’t even tell you I felt pretty on my wedding day. It was the culmination of a lot of stress, I was exhausted and getting ill, my future (now current) husband was sicker than a dog, and I just wanted the damn day over and done with. I don’t remember getting married bur my husband remembers. I remember being grateful that the wedding was over much later that evening when we were hanging out at the pool with our niece and nephew. Everyone tells me I looked beautiful that day but I don’t see it even when I look at pictures of the big day.
I look at those pictures and I feel relief and love. I see family who looked amazing and the man who loves me unconditionally. I see parents still in love after marriages more than thirty years, kids dancing crazily with one another, and happy, smiling faces in the pictures. I don’t see my less than supermodel physique or his less than superhero build. What I see is the man who is a superhero everyday and who continues to amaze me daily. I could care less that he lacks six pack abs, or that I am short, squat, and chubby like my dwarven characters. I love unconditionally, I carry grudges, but I forgive hurts too.
So, in general fat acceptance is meaningless. If you can’t love yourself for your faults, weaknesses, strengths, and loves it doesn’t matter if you are skinny, fat, fit, chubby, or a social butterfly. If you don’t love you for who you are, then no one else can love you either. Body image is thrown in our faces everyday and it forces people to judge themselves on a superficial level without digging deeper. It’s time we move on from the unhealthy fixation we have on outward appearances and realize that human beings are complex creatures deserving of love based on the diversity of emotions, interests, and personalities.