Last week hubby took off and we bummed around the house not really doing anything but enjoying one another. He slept in everyday and recharged his mental batteries for work. Then the silent burden he has lived with for more than a decade came slamming back into our lives. It isn’t a life and death matter but it is an emotional minefield. It is a situation where I am helpless to offer comfort or even words of wisdom. I am a bystander to an emotional drama I have no frame of reference for and no ability to comprehend the evil underlying the issue. All I can do is offer my unconditional love, a shoulder to cry on, a hug whenever he wants one, and a good stiff bourbon after work.
Without discussing the issue (it isn’t my issue to share with the world), how do I let go of the anger on behalf of my husband? How do I forgive the people that have so deeply and irrevocably scarred him? How do I let go of that anger for a situation out of my control but so affects my life? Honestly, I don’t know how to let it go. My husband has let it go to the best of his ability. He lives by the motto anything less is letting those that hurt him win and he refuses to let them win.
I agree with him in theory, reality is much different however. Reality is that I am a seething cauldron of emotion that has no viable outlet. I can’t vent to hubby, although he has no problem if I do, because he doesn’t need the added stress and pressure of handling my emotions and his own. My normal outlet of writing to vent emotion is an unavailable avenue because of the situation. Sure I could go write it in my diary, but I don’t think that solution works in this case. I don’t want a handwritten journal spewing anger and frustration to be the only thing that survives for my family after I die (sometime long in the future).
So, what do I do with all this frustration and emotion? How do I forgive people I never met, and will never meet, for a hurt so deep it has changed the course of my life and our life together? Holding on to it is toxic, I understand that, but forgiving is letting the evil doers get away with evil freely. I get that the evil doers could care less about the harm they inflict and have inflicted and that they believe they’ve won, but the overwhelming unfairness of the situation is just nothing I’ve ever had to face before.
What do you do when …